Roads not taken

It is that time of year again. Around this time, I get a little more emotional than usual because Feb/March starts the time when my Dad stole off to his bedroom to die quietly while we all sat in a slight denial, 6 years ago. It's a kind of cruel montage because while it is turning into Spring and everything is coming alive and it really is beautiful out, just like the day he passed, inside myself it feels like the dead of Winter. To me, these are the months leading up to me losing my Dad and him losing out on all these great times and funny moments I blog about. I still mourn, not only for my loss, but for HIS loss and the loss my children feel (especially Ryan who is VERY emotional about "Bampa Tom", even though he was only 5 months old when his Bampa died). He says he misses him all the time and wants him back here. He asks to watch videos of him. That boy has the biggest heart. May is actually the month he died, but I always feel it around this time, because I really did lose him around March. March is when he really started to disconnect from worldly things including me and Kaylee and Ryan. This year, even though I will probably blog about the horrible times leading up to his death just for the therapeutic value of it, I am going to try to focus on the things I enjoyed about him and not focus so much on the actual feeling of losing him and how it all played out.