Have you ever?

Have you ever just stared at your baby and taken in all his/her features? Of course, this has been increasingly difficult for me because I am in such a hurry all the time, and find it hard to just sit down and enjoy the kids, yet another area of guilt that is a post all on it's own. However, I remind myself every now and then, to just sit and watch them play or just watch Jilly when I feed her. There is something about having older children with younger children, and I'm not sure how old the first or subsequent have to be, but I would say not baby-like, so maybe 4 or up. But, something about the older children makes you look at your younger ones differently. I look at Jillybean and notice things I can't recall of Kaylee or Ryan. Little things like how the hair on her eyebrow follows one curve, but as she looks up at you and her eyebrow takes shape, it doesn't follow that hairline curve at all. Her little toes and nails, the cute points on her ear. These are the things that will still be there when she's 8, and looking at them now, I think "these are the same eyes now that will be looking at me 10 years from now", and it's just a little much for me to grasp. You look at them little like this, and realize, because of your older ones, this isn't who they are at all, but the physical stuff PROVES that it is INDEED the same baby you raised from birth. And, even though each of the kids took something from babyhood to their now current selves, it's sad that in the circle of life, this babyhood, for the most part, isn't them at all.
Now, I AM a self-proclaimed thinker. I have never denied that. Things like pregnant women STILL amaze me even after doing it five times myself. However, I don't recall looking at Kaylee and thinking all these things. She was Kaylee, I was mom, I would think about her growing up, getting married, etc. but never thought about how she would look, act, sound, or how I would lose that "baby" to a tall skinny independent little girl and someday woman. It is such an awesome thing, who these babies turn into, but at the same time, I find myself looking at Jilly and thinking that I will never get this back no matter how hard I try to remember, or how many photos or videos I take. We will be moving into the next phase of life constantly and no matter how much I look forward to that and all that is to come, I will be sad, too.