Part 3

I remember sitting on the couch at my dad's getting ready to tell him what the doctor had just told myself and his sister, my Aunt Nancy. My dad was still groggy from the procedure he had just had done, and when I said it: "Dad, did you hear the doctor when he said that you have cancer?", I think he already knew going into it. He sat there without expression like I had just told him the grass is green. He just simply said yes, I got teary, and then I had to leave. It was just too much and very uncomfortable. I can't even imagine how he must have felt, or how anyone feels being told that.
Now began the fight with the g-tube and radiation and chemo. Every day we went to chemo. I was working in the evenings and my Dad had lost his job because his plant had shut down, which didn't make for a good time with health insurance and such. I got help from one of my dad's old friends/girlfriend. My family also helped. It was quite straining on my own family life. It was hard to be at my Dad's house and be taking care of all of that, and my own house, husband, and Kaylee who was one, too. The beginning was hard b/c the chemo kicked his butt, he was sickly looking and very weak, and in my opinion, almost didn't make it through that. All the while, I am thinking he is going to die within 6 months, so I am taking pictures, spending time, cherishing what I thought would be his last birthday, Christmas, etc. During this process, dying was mentioned only a handful of times. Once, he and his old girlfriend had met with one of the funeral homes and were talking of pre-paying his arrangements so I wouldn't have to deal with that. It never got done, but he did show me the papers, etc. The other time, we were driving to chemo at Flower, and passed a cemetery and he said "That's where I want to be buried, my grandparents are there". I was in shock, but he was letting me know his wishes to some extent. Little did I know at the time, there would be many more decisions to be made after he was gone.