A Better Focus

The power of blogging is highly underestimated. Not only did I get through yesterday like I have not in the past, I did NOT dwell on all the horrible memories of actually watching my Dad die. In fact, I didn't think about it at all and I honestly think it is b/c I typed most of it out and got it out of my head. I thought about him a lot yesterday and it was hard for me, but not like it usually is on the anniversary. So I have to thank Cindy and Erika for introducing me to the blogging pastime. And now, I focus on some good things:

How about the time I fell w/ Kaylee in my arms as a baby? I've told this to Kaylee and she enjoys it. I was going to my Dad's to do a g-tube feeding and I was wearing my pajamas and slip on shoes and tripped up the steps to his house. As he was opening the door for me, I fell, and I did everything in my power to not let my babies head hit the cement, hence I ended up w/ a hole in my pants and my knee all torn up and a scar to prove it. My dad scooped Kaylee up immediately in his arms and went directly inside not once looking to me to see if I was ok. He was worried about that little girl. If I came over without Kaylee, the first thing out of his mouth was "why didn't you bring Kaylee?" My aunt said that he told her he could watch her play all day long.

Christmas, he LOVED Christmas. Right up until his very last one when I was 26, he would sign my gifts "Santa" and he also used to sign them from the dog and the cat! He loved the element of surprise. My favorite all time gift was the Christmas right before Kaylee was born. I was almost 5 months pregnant and he had redone the dollhouse that he and my mom had bought when I was 5. He had painted it and wired it with working front porch lights, working ceiling fan and inside lights, and had fashioned one of the bedrooms into a nursery w/ the help of my Aunt Nancy. They did it in pink, and we didn't even know Kaylee was a girl! He hung Christmas lights on the outside and put a tree and mini presents under it in the living room. I would have never suspected him doing this, but it is a treasured memory. Other gifts that surprised me were a used pontiac sunbird in the driveway on Christmas morning when I was 17, and a puppy German Shepherd when Ron and I first moved in together (even though we had to give her away after Kaylee came). He always made Christmas special. When we were little, he used to make us wait to open presents while he had "one more cup of coffee".

The few times I have seen him cry: on my graduation day from college, and when Ron and I got engaged. I felt his pride shining like a day's new sun. Regardless, it IS something, to say the least, to see your father cry.

The many times he helped me move into and then out of apartments, not saying a word, even though I knew he would just rather me be home. He could fix anything that was broken or needed done for me. I miss that a lot. That man could do anything!

When I had come home from Cedar Point in a world of hurt and pulled out my back and shoulders and lay on the couch crying, he was a real mom and took care of me. Imagine a rough factory worker kind of guy being a caring mom-type. It reminds me of that sprite commercial that Kim sent me. That is true love. Only after he was gone and having my own kids, do I realize how much he really did love us.